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I Tried

I'm as normal as any other tumblr user
Apr 22 '14
  • Me on my wedding day: you still like me right
Apr 22 '14

onthesideoftheotters:

shotadreams:

mage-of-katnep:

rainbowsfireworks:

confusedtree:

ollivander:

lampghost:

[sleep-over voice] are you awake

[sleep-over reply voice] yeah

[regrettable sleepover invitee voice] you guys SHH

[confused sleep-over voice] what is the meaning of life

[annoyed sleep-over voice] dude shut up

[sleep-over host voice] you guys be quiet my moms gonna hear us

[unknown voice] you kids wanna buy some drugs

Apr 22 '14

bruhcardi:

when u take off ur iphone case and it feels like ur holding a newborn

Apr 22 '14
Apr 22 '14

brokeassyouth:

why do you ship the thing?

*pulls out binder full of laminated pages and photos, opens presentation on powerpoint, pulls up podium*

I’m glad you asked

Apr 22 '14
brandnoose:

brandnoose:

what should i do for my 15,000 post???

wait a second i fucked up

brandnoose:

brandnoose:

what should i do for my 15,000 post???

wait a second i fucked up

Apr 22 '14
lesbianathogwarts:

bashdoard:

Ancient Roman prostitutes did something similar, but usually they would have phalluses inscribed in their sandals. So, if you were ever in the mood, you could just look down and follow the dicks.

follow the yellow dick-road

lesbianathogwarts:

bashdoard:

Ancient Roman prostitutes did something similar, but usually they would have phalluses inscribed in their sandals. So, if you were ever in the mood, you could just look down and follow the dicks.

follow the yellow dick-road

(Source: sve-sto-imam-nemamm)

Apr 22 '14

legalmexican:

Dentist: *Has multiple things in your mouth*

"So how’s school?"

Apr 22 '14

(Source: catleecious)

Apr 20 '14

exoticwild:

What I’m really terrified of is leading an average, ordinary life with a regular job and an invariable routine, planned holidays, an average household, fixed responsibilities and not doing anything different to be remembered by.

Apr 20 '14

flowury:

i want to sit on a kitchen counter in my underwear at 3 am with you and talk about the universe

Apr 20 '14

cyberuser:

cyberuser:

vvankinq:

cyberuser:

what do you call a message sent by a girl?

*sighs* what

a feMAIL

i got 7 messages saying this joke is offensive & that i’m the reason feminism exists

(Source: milch)

Apr 20 '14

littlecofiegirl:

thebluemoondragon:

5anddime:

ermahgerdkerfer:

Damn, this girl was prepared.

She learned from experience. That look on her face is one who found out all of Jack-Jack’s powers through trial by fire.

literally.

imagine her being a villain.

Apr 20 '14

gayturians:

lyraffect:

gayturians:

once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory

You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone

go big or go home

Apr 20 '14

oknope:

i don’t wanna be famous for the fame
i wanna be famous so i can meet other famous people